Thursday, February 15th, 2007
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4:52 am - AREFUGE.COM ART AND MUSIC
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hey everyone go check out this new site... arefuge.com ... mine are rockygunderson.arefuge.com and thejuneecho.arefuge.com its a great site and they are struggling to get it off the ground please go sign up and add me :)
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Wednesday, October 4th, 2006
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11:01 pm
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sometimes im just fucking over life... sometimes im totally content and excited right now i feel sorta shitty with a side of anxiety... love doesnt exist in a real sence anymore
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, June 24th, 2006
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11:05 pm - hmm
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well I dont write much in here anymore... I dont know where I am in life right now but Im content.. which is amazing... im up and down but im still content.. my girlfriend of 4+ years broke up with me for the final time and I feel like I lost my bestfriend but it all really feels like she was a fake now. So I guess that helps to just move on with life.. Its really good to be alone right now.. Im writing alot of new music with my band and its just really getting incredible to know my band members and the creation that we do together makes me whole. So anyway I guess im just realizing Im just ok... it doesnt matter nothing does.. im ok..
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(comment on this)
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Friday, December 16th, 2005
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10:34 am - almost home
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6 more hrs and I will have driven the motor home from washington home... I stopped over in sacramento yesterday and hung out with Lindsey's family... its been great.. ive missed them alot... Lindsey and I even talked and it was great... she just needs time to figure out what she wants in life without me as I need the time alone to figure out what I want... its soo easy to look to someone else to fufill all your needs... people will always fail you.. God is the only one ever strong..
current mood:  content
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Tuesday, December 13th, 2005
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10:24 pm - HEROW
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Well lets see... im in washington... it is fucking cold.... and I havent got to get drunk once.... which is ok but it passes the time lately... I came up here to help friends open a venue and kick off their first show... its been alot of fun and I got to stay longer when the RV we came up in broke down... I offered to stay behind while everyone went home in a van and tomorrow I head home to ventura.... in a huge as RV that is running like shit I hate driving RVs I hope I dont kill anyone... Life up here has been a great escape.... my phone died and I just never charged it.. I didnt want to hear anything from anyone... just hanging out with some friends trying to figure out if I want to fight for Lindsey or let her go... we split up almost two months ago and I dont even really know why other then we both are insecure and needed to work on ourselves but Im tired of the games she plays... Ive poured my heart into her and had it broken by her soo much that I just want to give the fuck up... Ive been pretty content this week not talking to her and deciding I have to really start living life and letting go.. give some to God... my band isnt ready to tour till summer so Im thinking im going to take a little break from everything and hit the road with my guitar... I took all of december off so if anyone wants to hang out or do soemthing crazy like go to Hawaii or something let me know... Im over being emotional... time heals hearts...
current mood: artistic
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Monday, July 11th, 2005
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12:11 am - yup
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so its been a long while sence ive written in here.. im damn tired.. its 12ish am and i have to wake up at 530 for work... ventura is getting old... and it pisses me off cuz i cant buy a house for 400,000 in ventura and thats all I qualify for so Im buying a house in san luis obispo.. im not moving up there... just buying a house and Lindsey and her cousin are going to live there.. and im going to slowly fix the place up... other this... my band just recorded... im finishin vocal tracks now... we have 2 of 6 completed... im pretty excited about that... life is pretty good i guess... i somehow still never see any of my long lost friends and i now have no ones numbers because my old phone broke... and i had to start the shit over.. so leave me your numbers if you have read this shit... much love and sleep..
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Saturday, June 4th, 2005
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11:08 pm
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Thursday, May 19th, 2005
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6:37 am - yeah and
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so its been a little over a week without my license. I lost it because I was speeding (106)... other then that things are good... im playing tomfest this year in oregon... friday april 5th at 4pm.. i broke my toe yesterday i didnt think anything could hurt this bad... lame!... oh yeah i got approved for 450,000 to buy a house so im looking for a house now... i think there is more but im gunna go...
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Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
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10:21 pm - yeah..
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so life is in one of those long phases where everything is just dead.. i dont know if i should be happy but im not to happy with life right now... its ok.. i just feel empty. music is going well.. two of my songs are being used in a film.. i may be going on tour for two months with a major label and two of its bands.. id be the opening act.. we will see they asked me to send in material this week.. i got a record contract from statue that i turned down... just didnt fit me but things are happening with music so for that im thankful for.. and im now being played on a radio station in france.. so that kinda kool... on the other hand im having a hard time with my relationship.. i love lindsey to death but things are a struggle. and from day to day my mind changes and i just cant deal with the past i cant seem to let go of.. i want to be cut off from emotion and stop caring. i work to much again... and blah blah blah.. i still hate this thing... some friends came over the other day and that was good like old times. i miss having friends i see on a regular basis.. right now i just feel lonely... goodnight..
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Saturday, February 12th, 2005
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9:33 pm - been a while
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so yeah i havent been on here for days. Like a couple weeks. hmm stuff.. Life is ok. I fucking hate going through all the bullshit of trying to find a place to live. Shooting myself in the face with a shotgun that has little spikey things in it sounds more appealing. I guess lindsey and I are unofficially together which is bugging the shit out of me. We kiss and hug and cuddle and all that but she i guess is still afraid that im going to leave her or hurt her or something so it makes me feel like shit and on top of that makes me think less of her about other things when all i want to do is love her and be happy. Its just ocward and wierd for me to be in this place. Tomorrow i go up north to spend her bday (valentines) with her. I baught her tickets to go see bob dylan with me. Other then that music is good. The band and I will be recording some tracks soon and playing shows probably starting next month. things are well in that area and im very excited about it all.. love you all and miss ya. hope everyone is doing well i suck and dont keep track!
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Monday, January 31st, 2005
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4:54 pm - yadda patada
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So life is evening out. Things keep getting better. there is still a daily anxiety for me but its slowing down. Thursday I recorded my first song ever in a studio. I cant wait to show everyone. Im really excited about it. The engineer really pushed me and made me write more parts to the song and now an empty ok song sounds full and makes me be like wow i wrote that.. So music is amazing.. im recording my last sesssion on friday.. and then im looking to finish my album in a studio in ventura. My new engineer friend has crazy connections and thinks i can be on a major label very fast if i want. So im praying about that. In the mean time he has tried to get me into a red bull music forum where in 5 days they teach you recording and using alot of beat programs for macs.. so hopefully i get in. only 10 people get in and its the chance of a life time.. so we will see... ok thats it im off...
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Monday, January 24th, 2005
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3:36 pm
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Fuck you stupid things that happen in life and make it crappy.. Fuck you!!!!!!
Thank you good things that happen in life... thank you!
but fuck you bad things.
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Friday, January 21st, 2005
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4:53 pm - Recording blah
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So im getting recorded in a studio in LA for free... 2-4 songs... studios make me nervous.. but hey how could i pass up free professional recording.. this thursday and next friday ill be hitting it hard for 7 hr sessions... woo hoo.. then shortly after its all done im going to paris and getting drunk haha no just kidding no drinkin.
current mood:  nervous
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Monday, January 17th, 2005
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1:25 pm - wooo hooo
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so i found out really great news today. i will keep it private but life doesnt have to become hard and stressful so thats amazing... i recorded two new songs the last two days.. "take a deep breath" and "rewind" you can listen to them at www.myspace.com/brokenbefore if you care too.. life is going well.. im going to paris in a few weeks and thats exciting.. time to get a job and sell my dirtbikes and get signed.. this cd should get me signed hopefully haha.. anyway i miss all my friends i will hopefully get an apartment in ventura soooooon... love you all
Rocky
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Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
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8:02 am - find the place
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so i came up sat to visit lindsey she really missed me.. its been amazing. i got stuck up here because my truck broke down. the alternator went out so i fixed that. then lindseys car started leaking water into the cab so i fixed that then her sisters heater in her car went out so i ripped her dash apart and replaced the heater motor and thats fixed basically i stayed till today wenesday and its been amazing. now im drivign home recording my new songs and then i have band practice tomorrow i meet lindsey and hil in san luis obispo and hang out for the weekend trying to find them a place. so i guess im pretty happy lately.. i didnt even freak out when my truck broke down... i just fixed the shit... ok hope all is well with everyone... David i know you still want to go to the snow.. maybe sunday night i can take you up there... with me.
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Friday, January 7th, 2005
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9:52 am - fuck the snow
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so i wake up to 100+mph winds and snow.. its snowing like crazy once again im trapped and the electricity comes and goes.. so im trying to record my new stuff today.. i guess i did alright at teh show last night but i would like to do better.. man how i hate being trapped in this whole i want to move.. ok so back to work i go... only i dont have a job
current mood:  cold
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Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
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12:02 pm - 106mph
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so i went up thursday night to sacramento to pick up lindsey and hilary. got there at 1am stayed up till 3m talking to lindsey then woke up at 7 to drive back down to have new years with one of lindseys friends.. it was pretty terrible i got wasted and just felt sick. so then we woke up hungover and went to disneyland that was pretty fucking amazing.. i surprised lindsey and hilary with peterpan hats with their names on em and then they made me get one so we walked around all day with those silly hats on then at 7 we drove from disney to san luis obispo to look for a place for them to live.. got in at 12 and slept then drove around all day searching for places then at 6 drove back to sacramento. i stayed an extra couple days up there with lindsey and it was amazing. but still i think i should back off more i dunno?
so yeah.. on my way home i got a speeding ticket for driving 106 so that sucks... and now im trapped in the snow and stuck here.. blah!
current mood:  annoyed
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Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
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9:40 am - life never slows down..
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so yeah its been really busy back and forth.. it snowed up at my moms last night and ive been trapped here but the freeway just opened back up so yeah... tonight i have band practice then tomorrow lindsey and hil are coming down and we are going to disneyland.. and then i get to spend new years with her and its going to be fun... im excited... i need to write some lyrics.. so i guess i will go try that and see if anything comes out.. hope all is well with everyone.. <3
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Friday, December 24th, 2004
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7:02 pm - Merry bajebus everyone
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last night i had my first band practice. im pretty excited about this band they gave me a demo to work with and it was good but all the new stuff they showed me was amazing so im really excited about this band.. after that i drove home got home at 12.. went to bed woke up at 5 and drove up to nor cal.. spending xmas with lindsey and her family.. its been insane.. i cooked all day, and cleaned i felt soo productive then i cracked a joke on Judy (linds mom) and she chased me around the house till i had a heart attack and called truse it was awesome.. i backed off lindsey alot and now she is the one that is all huggy and missing me and she appolgized for being a jerk and i gave her presents and it was just special. i saw love in her eyes again, but still im backing off giving her room to decide on life, but things feel good right now and life feels good. having her as my friend is amazing.. she also custom painted my telecaster and im excited.. it looks rad.. i love her art.. ok have a merry bajebus day everyone..
Rocky<3
current mood:  happy
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Monday, December 20th, 2004
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10:14 pm - some thoughts for friends.
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in no special order... find your name.. if you arent here it means nothing... i love you too!
david - im sorry at a time in your life when i could of been there for you i wasnt and that maybe i made things harder for you. im sorry. i love you and i just dont know how to handle myself or expressions sometimes. i love you like a brother. im always here for you and i think you know that. its wierd that we are so distant now.. i miss you
kelsey - im glad God brought you into my life. im surprised as close a friends as we have become. i love the way you think and write. i hate to see you struggle with your own thoughts and heart as i do. its no fun. i think you are an amazing person.. please never stop creating.
Jess - you my friend are strong. I admire that. you dont take shit from anyone. you know what you want and you are going after it. You are like my little sis that is all grown up. You are a friend that i know i could not see for years and i could just talk to you like nothing has changed and we will always be there for eachother if shit happens... or if shit doesnt happen... i love ya stay strong :)
Jamie Payan - i just sorta met you and you just took me in and gave me a second home. all the sudden i became brother Rocky.. haha.. you and your kid make me smile. I really want to see you suceed. I mean you are now.. you just have it ruff sometimes but someday hopefully soon everything is going to be amazing for you and that will make me smile... thanks for being there and helping out.. your pretty much amazing..
Alex - man do i love you.. your heart.. you have soo much compassion for people. i hate to see you down. you are an inspiration. your heart is so pure. you are probably the nicest guy i have ever met and i hate to see the crap happen to you that has. Thank you for being there for me and making me feel like i have been there for you a little.. i love you and miss you and i hope you have beat zelda already :)
pam - sorry we were assholes to eachother thats life its confussing someday we will probably be friends again.. hope all is well.
chippy - what can i say about you but way to be danish. haha.. you inspire me.. you always have a smile on your face and something good to say even when you feel like shit you still try to make people happy and that is just an amazing quality you are always looking out for other people before yourself.. i really miss having you around because you always cheer me up.. dont ever change because you are amazing!
taylor - you are an amazing guy with a heart of gold. i wish we hung out more.. im never around though.. i hope life is turning around for you and that you are happy. it feels like yesterday we were back at HG doing worship.. man how times change.. thanks for being a friend and encouraging me. you are amazing..
nichole (my twin) - man how i miss hanging out with you and now you are all married its crazy. you were there for me in some of the hardest times in my life to encourage me and i just want to thank you. i dont think i ever have. who knows where i would be right now.. i miss ya.. im glad you are happy in life!
nick diaz- people give you the worst wrap. but man how i love you besides the fact you made me be the best man at your wedding that was bs damn was i nervous... you have such a huge heart. maybe you get a little excited around people and talk to fast but thats one of the things i love about you.. you are so sincere. you are you no matter what people think and i admire that. i love you and im always here for you. thanks for being there for me.
jodi - you wont ever read this. but im sorry you think we are fighting.. i was completly joking... wish i would of known you would of took it the way you did i would of not said it.. sorry.. ill catch up with you sometime..
marleigh - i guess i just barely know you but you are pretty amazing thanks so much for always being there to talk and what not and listening to my music and giving me feedback and ideas.. i cant ever really express how much it means to me. but thank you for being you :)
kaitlyn - although you always write me lame emails wondering if we are friends.. i love you.. you always are there to ask me how im doing and check in on me to see if im ok.. you are a good friend and im sorry im not a better one. you are a busy person.. but i miss ya.. we should hang out sometime.
joel - we have been friends forever. i miss old times because things we so simple then. but i just want to say that i love you and that i know you are always there for me and im always here for you..
shawn - i havent seen barely any of you while ive been back because honestly i havent really been back. ive been here and there and everywhere.. i miss you. i miss old times with duke and sleeping on your floor and waking up with dog hair all over me GOD i hated that.. but it was fun when they tried to toilet paper your house and we caught them and scared the crap outta them hahaha .. i love you and i miss you. dont think i dont like you or something because i love you!
jake - i hope you are ok. i miss the hell out of you. i need a hug from you.. call me back sometime.. i love you mexican.. i miss old times.. i miss you.. im sorry life has been so ruff on you.. things will change.. we can make them change.. lets hang out sometime. hug yourself for me.
luke - man how i love you. im soo sorry you have gone through soo much shit. I worry about you sometimes but i know you are strong. Im excited for you now that things are changing around and you get to chase your dreams. your in my prayers and i hope things just get better for you because you have faced enough shit. I miss you alot. im sorry we were assholes to eachothers at times. just happens when you are that close to eachother.. im always here for you no matter what.. i love you
nate - you moved to new york you bastard.. its ok im happy for you.. im so glad you are happy. i miss living with you. i miss old times. fuck we could make eachother smile through all the shit and it was amazing.. i cant wait till i get to see you again. your hugs are amazing and so full of love. .i love you
lindsey - my bestfriend in life. i dont even know where to start with you. God did i make some mistakes. Im sorry i hurt you so bad. im sorry i was so selfish in our relationship always thinking it was just you bringing me down. that when you were struggling i was just hurt by what you were doing because of my own issues and not there to hold you and comfort you and keep you safe. im soo glad to have you back in my life as hard as it is to take things this slow i wouldnt have it any other way. you are my bestfriend and i look forward to life together. i miss your smile and i miss your kiss. most of all i miss your company. your laugh.. there are soo many memories i play back in my mind thousands of times and makes myself cry over what we have done, but there is nothing God cant heal and our future will be strong and glorious. I look forward to the times to come. I love where we are now.. i miss you ever moment im away.
every moment with you now is amazing. I will always be there for you. protecting you and i will never let you go again. i love you.
all my new friends.. i love you.. i miss hanging out. im sorry im soo distant lately. im trying to figure life out. im trying to get some things going and repair some hurts. life isnt always easy maybe its harder then easy most the time, but that is life. If you are comfortable its probably because you have blinders on.. and if your life is perfect maybe you should discomfort it by getting into someones life that isnt going so well and help them out.. anyway.. i could go on forever with all my friends.. these are just some idividuals that have been on my mind and that i feel i have wrong in ways and havent been a great friend too.. i dont even know where im going with any of this.. so yeah have a great holiday.. see you all later..
current mood:  thoughtful
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